- Alex: 'To whom it may concern. I would like to start this email by first stating that I am 57 years old. I've gone to hundreds of concerts in my life time-' Clearly.
- 'And am the administrator of a site on Facebook for the southern rock group, The Outlaws.' Sounds badass. Uhm...
- 'I've done interviews with present and former band members, to music reviews for Amazon's nights and weekends-' That sounds like bullshit. Uhm... 'And have been in the company of many professional musicians.' Oh. Good for you, man; you've met Cher.
- Jack: I want to meet Cher.
- Alex: He is a pedophile, I'll have you know... 'Last night I took my daughter along with her friend to the Starland Ballroom to their first concert. I had heard some of the band's music from when my daughter had played their songs, and I found the music to be quite catchy and enjoyed the songs I heard.-' Before I go on, before I go on, I would like to point out that one of our songs is about a one night stand, and I definitely say 'casual fuck' in the verse.
- Rian: *Rim shot on drums*
- Alex: So, before a man brings his fourteen year old daughter with the impression that we're a 'polite group' he should pay attention to that lyric.
- 'The show the group played was an underage show.' No it wasn't, anyone was allowed to come, haha. My parents were there! No they weren't...
- 'This is where I have a problem with the group. The band should have been condescent-' Nice word. 'of the fact that there were many teens, primarily girls.'
- 'I found the language of the group deplorable, rude, offensive and vulgar.'
- Jack: Fuck!
- Alex: 'Other parents who were in the same area where I was sitting had the same opinion.' Hey, parents? I'm watching you. If I see any of you complaining tonight... This guitar? Wailing it at your face. Hahah. Oh, I kid, I kid... But seriously, let's go on. Ahem.
- Hold on, this is my favourite part!
- 'Examples were the constant use of the F word,'
- Crowd: *Noises of discontent*
- Alex: Hang on, best part, best part haha. 'And your singer telling somebody who was a member of the road crew to perform oral sex on him.' Wait! There's more! 'But saying that very graphically and describing the size of the penis.'
- So basically I said, 'Hey Danny, suck my tiny dick.' that's probably what I said, something along those lines. Now, let me see if there's anything else funny on here.
- Zack: What about Jersey?
- Alex: Oh yeah! Wait, where is it? Oh! 'What I also found offensive was that your group was playing in Jersey making a comment that the best thing about Jersey is that the girls there are easy to sleep with.' However, however! That is true! That is just a well known fucking fact!
- Zack: And then it says stuff about the smells too.
- Alex: Wait, yeah yeah. And then he continues to say, 'And the comments about the smell of the state of New Jersey also were offensive.' It is not my fault that the fucking river under the bridge smells like a diaper! I can't help it. Clean up your act New Jersey, and I won't complain about it! So, before any more of you angry, angry parents decides to email our manager about us, remember that I will read your email on stage and make fun of you!
- Jack: Why are you leaving?! Why are you leaving the show?!
- Alex: Where are you going?!
- Jack: We're not done yet!
- Alex: Where are you guys going!?
- Jack: What the fuck are you doing?!
- Alex: Guys!
- Jack: C'mon!
- Alex: Oh wait, they're just going to poop.
- Jack: Now we've got to wait for them.
- Alex: We've got to wait for them to poop. Hang on, pause, pause. Let's actually honestly... I know this is going to be annoying, but let's wait for them to come out and when they come back out, let's all clap for them.
- ATL play something random for ten or so seconds.
- Alex: Alright now, come on. I think maybe they really are pooping.
- Jack: Girls don't poop!
- Alex: Stop! I have to concentrate. I have to concentrate while I wait for them to come out.
- Wait three more seconds. Someone comes out of the bathroom.
- Alex: Nope, nope. False alarm.
- Jack: False alarm.
- Alex: False alarm. Where are they?
- Jack: Nope.
- Alex: That's not them.
- Jack: Unless they both turned into a guy?
- Alex: They combined their powers to turn into one dude... I can wait. Honestly, I do not give a shit. This is our headlining tour, we can do whatever we want. Yes I know. I know it's frustrating, I know you came here to see music, but I personally came to watch girls go to the bathroom.
- Jack: That's what we normally do when we're home. Where the fuck are these girls, dude?
- Alex: They're just not ready. I'm going to wait.
- Jack: They're probably doing drugs.
- Alex: I'm GOING to wait.
- Jack: Can we arrest them? For doing drugs in the girls room?
- Alex: Jack shut up! Just hang tight. I know you guys want to hear a song, but I want to laugh at these girls... Nope. That's not them. Come on guys. What are you guys doing in there? Rian, shut up!
- Jack: Can you go and get them for me, please? Thank you. Thank you.
- Alex: I don't care if you're bored Rian. YOU'RE boring!
- Rian gets up to go and get them.
- Alex: What are you going to do? You don't even have a microphone.
- Jack: Don't tell them what we're doing
- Alex: He's going to go in there and be like 'Don't come out ever! They're going to laugh at you'
- Girls and Rian come out to cheering.
- Jack and Alex: YAY!!
- Alex: Good job guys.
- Jack: We waited for you!
- Alex: How was it? How was the facilities? Did you wash your hands?
- Jack: Are you on drugs?
Many people ask for things
so many people wish
for pretty things and diamond rings
for clothes and candles lit
Many people wish for love
for romance and for fire
for someone else to look upon
with eyes filled with desire
But I’m not like the others
my only wish was You
The only thing I wanted
was for it to come true
7 years I wished for you
Many nights I cried
Many times I thought the world
around me’d gone and died.
And even now I catch myself
thinking of your smile
all those times you treated me
Like I was worth your while
Of 7 years that I was blind
hopeless and distraught
begging god for just one thing
one thing that can’t be bought
And even though I know the truth
and know it deep inside
I can’t forget this part of me
It hurts so much to try
You are my favorite memory
the only dream I’ve had
the only one I’ve ever loved
I’ve never hurt this bad
I can’t help but remember
how much I used to care
how much you used to make me smile
just by being there
It hurts me when I see you
or even hear your name
I know that there’s no hope now
All that you are is pain
Those who know me know this
know of how I’ve felt
I think they’re hoping that someday
someone will make me melt
But that won’t be the case here
I cannot care for two
and I don’t want to fall again
no one is just like you
The only one I cared about
the only one I missed
the only one I looked upon
my one and only wish
Bitch you better back the hell up